Twas The Month After Christmas
A Christmas Poem by Author Unknown
T’was the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste.
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber)
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend the summer disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip. although you can get Whip cream chargers deliver company in Melbourne, so that’s one of the reasons why I love them.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional kilos have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have sweet biscuits, or fresh bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!